The Many Woes of Ronald Weasley series
Part 2 | Hermione Granger - the Bookworm
Harry Potter isn't my only best friend. No, he just happens to be my only best friend with the same reproductive organs as myself (which is male if you were being a smart prat-). Hermione Granger is my other best friend. Hermione has always been titled the brains' of our infamous trio. I don't blame the title. She has the brains and all the hair to keep it in.
Now, I know all about those rumors saying that Hermione and myself are together. And they're all true! (Yeah baby, I bagged me a smart girl!) I treat her with respect, dignity, trust and love. I've never cheated on her (I swear, Lavender kissed me! And the time after that I swear I tripped and fell on her!), lied to her (okay that's a lie) or underappreciated her (not a lot actually-). And how does she repay me? The bloody woman repays me by- Well, I'll tell you. It all started one October night during our Seventh Year-
Hermione and myself were serving detention up in the Astronomy Tower. Yes, Merlin's gift to teachers received a detention. Of course, she blames it on me - but that's another story-
So we were out in the terrace of the tower cleaning telescopes for tomorrow night's class while Professor Sinistra was in her office grading papers (but we both knew she was really sleeping).
I was absentmindedly wiping a lens for the fiftieth time while Hermione was busy on the other side of the terrace cleaning several different telescopes simultaneously (you don't know the true meaning of multi-tasking until you've seen that woman work). I glanced over at her and she was already packing up her cleaning materials.
"You can't be done!" I gasped. She merely looked up at me for a moment before returning to what she had been doing. "Mione, you can't still be mad at me!"
"Oh, but I am!" Hermione replied as she stalked towards me. She poked me in the chest several times as she spoke, "I could be spending my time writing up study notes for Snape's test next month, but no, I'm here cleaning telescopes with you!"
"Well, you are done," I offered grinning as I pointed my wand at the telescope I had finished cleaning so it would move aside..
She glared at me then snatched my wand and smacked me in the face. Hard. Real hard. So hard, it felt like it had turned from a smack to a punch. Before I realized it, I had stumbled backwards over the telescope stand and was flipped over the edge of the turret-
I was hanging onto the edge for dear life and do you know what that blasted woman did? Well I'll tell you! She had the nerve to ask Ron, are you okay?'.. I mean, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M OKAY? I'm hanging off the edge of a bloody tower for Merlin's sake. With so much brain, you'd think she'd have a shred of common sense.. Really now- But don't you see now what Hermione's been doing this entire time? She's be in on it with Harry since the beginning. She's been trying to get rid of me too!
You see, I'm smart, real smart actually! It's just that Hermione makes me out to be dumb! She's trying to dumb me down! How do I know? I see her slipping an orange liquid into my goblet every morning (but it strangely tastes like pumpkin juice-) See, she has her own motives to bring upon my downfall. She's scared I'm going to become smarter than her. So, she's making me dumbier than I am now!
When she realized her efforts in using liquids to de-smart me were failing, she tried to push me off the turret! And do you know what she did afterwards? Well then, I'll tell you-
I clung to the edge, hoping that the feeling my hands were slipping were merely in my imagination. I tried several times to pull myself up, but that proved useless.
"Ron, are you okay?" I looked up and saw Hermione looking over the edge of the turret with what looked like concern.
"Yes Hermione, I'm fine as a daisy. You wouldn't mind fetching me a cup of tea perhaps so I may enjoy this wonderful view of the landscape?" I drawled sarcastically before yelling, "BLOODY HELL I'M NOT OKAY! WOULD IT BE SO MUCH AS TO HELP ME BACK ONTO THE TOWER?"
She bit her lip, "I don't think I'd want to save someone who's yelling at me Ronald."
"Hermione, I'm slipping. Help me up and we'll continue this fight once I'm sure I'm not going to die any second," I suggested through clenched teeth. When that woman was provoked, she was difficult.
"Okay, okay," she said in a rushed tone, "Let me find Professor Sinistra."
"Mione wait!" But before I could say anything else, her head disappeared. I listened to her footsteps disappear, so I held on with every ounce of my strength.
After what seemed like ages, I heard footsteps and when I looked up I saw Hermione and Harry's faces.
"How's the weather down there Ron?" Harry questioned as he grinned.
"You cheeky prat help me up!" I yelled.
"I dunno, Ron-" He said as he cocked an eyebrow.
I glared up at him and purposely removed one of my hands from the edge. I hung there while only holding on with one hand. Somewhere in the back of my brain I was mentally smacking myself for doing so, but it was done and I didn't have the strength to get my other hand back up there.
"RON!" Hermione and Harry exclaimed when I had let go. Immediately they both latched onto my wrist and heaved me over the edge.
When I was back on my feet again, I casually dusted off my robes, "Would have been much easier to use the Levitation Charm."
I saw Hermione's cheeks tinge with pink in the moonlight as it dawned upon her what would've been easier in the situation. Harry doubled over with laughter,
"I never thought I'd see the day when Ron outwitted Hermione," Harry grinned as he clutched his stomach while trying to stifle his laughter.
He stopped laughing when Hermione shot him a dark look. She turned that deathly gaze on me, "Well since you seem to know how to do things, why the blood didn't you do it yourself?"
I cocked an eyebrow not completely believing what she was saying to me. I crossed my arms and stared at her, "Because, my beloved, you took my wand from me before you slapped me over the edge of the tower."
This little revelation caused her blush to brighten and spread to her face-
The woman actually went to find someone to help me up! She's the smartest person at Hogwarts and she doesn't even use common sense! Why? Because she was hoping that while she was running to find "help" I'd slip of my own accord and the blame of my death wouldn't be on her conscience! And who indeed did she get for help? Harry! My best friend and archenemy! They're both in cahoots to get me! Let's not forget how they deliberately stalled to help; contemplating to see if they even SHOULD help! Now, if that doesn't rouse suspicion that they're both trying to kill me, then I don't know what does!
Hermione's been hinting for sometime now that she'd like for us to be married. She doesn't need to hint, I know she wants us to be married and I want us to be married. However, after that nights' events I'd been wondering if I should. Being married to Hermione Granger, a person trying to see my demise, would mean I couldn't escape her! She could kill me anytime on our honeymoon and no one would figure it out until my body washed up on land!
Now you're all thinking Hermione's not evil' and what not, but surely you haven't overlooked the facts. Hermione's smart and during our time at Hogwarts she seemed to know quite a lot of knowledge on things going on at Hogwarts. She knew too much. I mean, sure she doesn't like chocolate pudding - she hates it - but isn't it just odd how she knew the solution to just about every problem? Besides that she practically lives in the library! Anyone who's in the library longer than they're in their own rooms is positively screaming evil! Madame Pince the librarian works in the library and we all know she's batty! Let's not forget Draco Malfoy! Yeah, he seems to be in the library quite a lot as well! Always stalking between the shelves, pretending his reading a book, acting like it's just a casually trip to the library for school work and what not. So you see, she's out to kill me. I can prove it just by the proof that she lives in the library.
(Part 3: Neville Longbottom - the So-Called Innocent Bystander)
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