Readers, I'm pleased you all could make it. Although, I'm irked some of you are late. Detention for those who decided time is something that may be wasted. You lot shall be cleaning the cauldrons. Those who made it on time, I want a three foot essay on the potion for perfect hair grease. I thought it necessary I call you all here and explain some things since the release of the Half-Blood Prince blatantly displays me as a backstabbing jerk. I will prove that I did what I did because I had to.
Now, if you imbeciles have yet to discover who I am, I am Severus Snape. Since the beginning of the Potter books, you have all heard of how Albus Dumbledore has reasons why he trusts me, or, that is to say how he trusted me. It's easiest to explain my method by first revealing why the bumbling fool trusted me.
You, in the back! I see you attempting to leave! Move closer to that exit and I assure you, I'll send you to a place pinker and more dreadfully cute than Dolores Umbridge's office! Good, now back to my explanation.
It all began when I applied for the position of Defence Against the Arts teacher. Obviously, I had to prove my loyalty to the fool since the Dark Lord had fallen for the first time. So, I presented Dumbledore with a gift. He understood what pains I went through just to get a gift of what he would like most sincerely. You see, he has an odd taste and it takes a peculiar gift to sway him in my favour. So, I got him something he has always desired. By doing so, I proved the lengths I was willing to go in order to prove my loyalty.
I see you all attempting to wrap your minds around my story and guess what the gift was, however, I think it best I save its unveiling for later.
The moment I presented it to him, he accepted me into the Hogwarts staff. However, as you all know, the infuriating old man placed me to teach Potions instead. So, I took it silently and decided I would try again in due time.
So, each year I played by his rules and remained neutral to the rumours about the Dark Lord. And every year, Dumbledore reminded me of what I did to gain his trust. He was truly irksome during that annual time of year when he would mention that blasted gift. I should have smothered him with it rather than give it to him, but that would have ruined my chance to get in Hogwarts. So, when he referred to the gift, I'd nod absently and mutter some agreement that it was a shame no one else bothered to acquire such a gift for him. That would usually lead to him agreeing to my agreement and then he would continue about how that particular year was as peaceful as the last and that would lead to his wistful hope for the next year to be as peaceful. It was his way of saying: If you know something, this would be a good time to say it, if you don't want your gift of loyalty to go in vain.
Of course, for the first few years there was nothing, so I had nothing to say.
However, the year finally came when the infamous Boy-Who-Lived came to Hogwarts and I knew I would have some things to finally say to Dumbledore during those annual pre- New Year meetings. With Potter now at Hogwarts, I always had someone questioning my loyalty and if it wasn't Dumbledore, it was some interfering teacher mentioning that Dumbledore had his reasons for trusting me. The damn Potter brat made it so I was constantly being reminded of that damned gift.
It wasn't even that good of a gift! Just proves how much of goody Dumbledore was; gave me all the reason more to do what I did. Made it all the easier, too!
When the Dark Lord returned to power, I knew the time would come when Dumbledore saw his error in trusting me. Of course, in the beginning I was earnest, I was some-what loyal, but he had to spark my ire and constantly remind me of the gift. The night Narcissa Black came to me to assure if Draco could not kill Dumbledore and that I would, was truly a blessing. I'd be able to finish Dumbledore and his reminders of that exasperating gift! That is, if my godson couldn't do it. However, I knew Draco could not. For all the evil in him, he is not Lucius and, at the time, wasn't ready to kill on command. He doesn't have the steal resolve need to do the Dark Lord's bidding. So, with the inevitability of my chance to kill Dumbledore, I was quite happy. I'm sure you readers realized how kinder of a teacher I was that year. Finally receiving the Defence Against the Dark Arts position just sent me off the edge! I had to treat myself to a new hair grease potion. Oh yes, that year promised to be a good one indeed.
Well, I'm sure you all remember what happened that year and readers, now you all see. It began with the gift, I suppose you could say. It began with the gift and it ended because of the gift. Remove those criticizing expressions! I know you are all thinking it's my fault I gave that particular gift, but there was nothing else to prove myself. If there had been something else I could have given, I would have, but there was nothing else! And, if it was something else, I wouldn't have minded so much the reminders of such a gift, but it wasn't something else. It was a most horrid thing I never would have intentionally bought him if it were not his bloody preference for the thing! So you see, it was Dumbledore's own fault that I had to kill him. I did what I did because he drove me to do so!
Oh, and what was the gift? I thought I already mentioned it. If I hadn't, I thought at least one of you had enough intellect to assume what the gift was. Merlin's ghost, you lot are almost as bad as the sorry sods I have had to teach at Hogwarts.
The gift was what I hate most in this world: Socks.
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