Moonlight...looking up and seeing the moon always reminds me of Lupin.
There was a warm summer breeze which passed through the open window of the flat. The wind felt oldly cool against her skin which was saturated in sweat due to the humidity of the night. The velvety, dark sky was sprinkled with little lights forming patterns and swirls, all dimly shining upon the earth. The full moon, in all its beauty sent both a wave of tranquility and horror through her body.
I wonder where he is right now. Is he locked up in his home again? Aware from all those vulnerable to him? The answer is no... He's not far away, he's close to all those he held dear and who hold him dear in return.
She sighed heavily as the thought of the previous Hogwarts Professor, friend, advisor, confidante and ally brought tears to her eyes. Suddenly she heard a pop come from behind her and so she turned around instinctively to see one of her best friends.
"I knew you'd take long." She said softly as he approached her.
"Hermione, of course you know. Sorry it took awhile, needed to find this morning's newspaper." He offered a smile as he pulled lightly on the collar of his t-shirt as he tried to allow some ventilation to his torso. "Do you think he's there again?"
"Ron, when is he not there? He probably left a half hour ago." She explained as she began to pull her hair up and clip it back. Hermione hated her hair during these humid, summer nights and thanked Merlin she was wise enough to just wear a simple tank top and pair of shorts. She didn't dare wonder how Ron could stand being in a t-shirt and jeans on such a night.
"Shall we go then?" Ron suggested, although the answer always came the same.
"Of course."
***
They apparated to the gates outside of Hogwarts' grounds and as they opened the gates, slipped in. The grass was slightly yellow and dry considering they'd been having a slight drought for some time now. The castle, however, looked like it did their First Year. Its regal towers casting long shadows across the grounds. It looked the same, except for the unsettling fact that no lights were present in the windows, not even a flicker of a candle. That's how the castle was lately.
Days. That's how short a time ago it had been since the war had ended. It seemed to have ended immediately after Voldemort crumbled to the ground in debris and the debris had turned to dust. The casualties of creature, adult and student alike were in the ten thousands and the memories of the war itself would be forever etched in those who were present to watch it all take place.
One thing slightly off about the grounds, was that near the castle, where Hagrid's hut stood was a plot of land where a few white crosses stood. Professor Flitwick stood strong behind his promise to build a cemetary as a memorial to all those who had perished in the war. He also made it very clear that the late Gamekeeper's hut was to be sealed in perfect condition, never to be altered again in honour of Rubeus Hagrid's bravery within the war.
They headed straight towards the beginnings of the cemetary, as they always did, and knelt down before the five crosses already planted. Bowing their heads in respect, they remembered the names written across the crosses: Albus Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall, Rubeus Hagrid, Argus Filch and Celestia Sinistra.
After a moment, they continued this nightly ritual. Ron got to his feet and soon after, helped Hermione to her own. In silence, they made their way towards the stone steps leading to the main enterance of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. As expected, they found two figures by the steps. The smaller of the two sitting on the steps, while the other stood beside as they conversed.
"It isn't fair they died and I got to live," the smaller one said quietly as they approached.
The other one looked down at his companion and couldn't help but feel a silent understanding between them. This conversation happened every night since the war ended.
"It isn't fair that anyone had to die," He replied, hoping his tone didn't represent pity because he knew the last thing the boy needed, was pity from a man he had loathed for years.
"If anyone should have died, it should have been me," the boy sighed.
The older looked up as usually and saw Hermione and Ron standing there, waiting for the conversation to end; it always ended and it was always the same.
"It isn't healthy for you to come here night after night, Potter." He said finally, "They wouldn't want you to hate yourself for what happened. All they want is to be remembered and that's all we can give them."
"How is remembering them even compare to the amount of debt owed to their sacrifices?" Harry questioned,
"Remembering them keeps them alive in us all. It is in that, that we make peace with them. Your friends are here," and then, out of the ordinary, he ended the conversation in a slightly different fashion from before. "Goodbye, Harry."
He had always said goodbye, always. Why was it now different? The mere fact that this man had called him by his first name, made all the difference. His action suggested respect for the boy and an understanding between them that no one would ever understand. However, it also suggested finality in which this man didn't expect the boy to return the next night and continue this ritual. No, he felt the boy knew it was time to move on from the war, learn from the mistakes made in the past and help to build a, hopefully, stronger Magical Community.
"Goodbye, Professor Snape." Harry replied as usually although he registered the strange act Snape had preformed.
Snape raised an eyebrow at the sudden revelation that Harry had altered his farewell as well, instead of calling him 'Mr. Snape' as usual, he had called him 'Professor'. What had led the boy to say such a thing when he had graduated Hogwarts two weeks prior to the war? They locked gazes as a silent bond formed between them, sealing their common feelings and thoughts forever. He thought it better to not correct his former pupil in his mistake. Bringing his attention to the two other people present, he greeted them as always before walking up the steps and slipping into the dark castle.
Quiet still, Hermione and Ron sat on either side of Harry as he not dare look at them. This was the part which did not always stay the same every night. The conversation between the infamous trio always changed night after night.
"Did you see what they said in the Daily Prophet?" Harry broke the awkward silence between him and his two best friends.
Ron took out the folded newspaper from his jeans pocket and unfolded it for all to read, he knew they'd be talking about it. "The headline says it all, huh?"
Hermione cleared her throat as she began to read it, however, Harry read over her, without looking up at the paper.
"Another account on how Harry Potter bravely saves the day," Harry droned on as if he were stating the weather. He accentuated 'bravely' as he finally looked up at the newspaper. "How would they know what it's like to save the day? How would they know how it feels to save the day?"
"That's the thing," Hermione replied, "they don't."
Harry turned to her and offered a smile, "Seems you three are the only ones who seem to understand."
Ron shook his head, "Everyone who fought understands."
"I mean, understands me," Harry corrected himself,
"Snape seems to understand you pretty well," Ron concluded as he looked back at the closed doors of the castle, "How is he?"
"Well, when I mentioned the nightmares, he says he gets them too. If he didn't, he wouldn't say it, right?" Harry said, "So he must be getting nightmares still."
"It's been six days, all of us are still having nightmares," Hermione suggested, "I know I am." She shuddered as memories of fighting on the grounds by the gates lay fresh in her memory.
"I certainly do," Ron nodded in agreement as he remembered clearly the duels he fought on the boarder line of the Forbidden Forest and Hogwarts grounds.
"Every night I remember that oddly calm expression on Dumbledore's face when Voldemort killed him. It's like, he was ready to die. Ready for Voldemort to attack him with the killing curse and actually make contact," Harry explained as he looked up at the sky. He felt tears stinging his eyes and before he realized it, memories of the battle which he kept at bay, came flooding to his mind and he began to cry uncontrollably.
Hermione pulled him to her and hugged him as his head lay in the crook of her neck. Ron moved closer as he placed his hand on Harry's shoulder. Although the gesture itself seemed insignificant to the obvious comfort Hermione gave him, Ron knew that his hand on Harry's shoulder was a great deal of comfort. In times during Hogwarts when Harry was strong for Ron, this was Ron's chance to return the favour - with this gesture - and be strong for Harry.
"Every morning the papers say the same Harry our Hero' or Strong of Heart, Strong Hero' or another idiotic headline." Harry continued as he finally began to settle down and Hermione released him from her embrace. "They send all praises to me, yet barely mention those who fought as well. You two were there fighting as well and by my side when I fought Voldemort."
Hermione and Ron nodded as they remembered-
---
-Both Hermione and Ron didn't know how they knew, but in their hearts they knew they had to go to Harry. He had been facing off with Voldemort at the base of what was left of the Astronomy tower. They tried desperately to finish their battles in order to go to Harry.
Ron sent one final spell to Theodore Nott and he dropped unconscious to the ground. Without hesitation, Ron jumped over Nott and struggled to run to Harry with his presently injured knee.
Hermione caught sight of Ron running across the grounds in a distance and was nearly nicked by a hex because of it. She tumbled out of the way and sent a curse in the Death Eater's direction when she was upright again. The Death Eater stumbled backwards, giving Hermione enough time to get to her feet. The Death Eater sent another curse at Hermione, only to feel herself be plummeted to the ground. She looked up at her savior who was standing already and sending hexes and curses at the Death Eater.
"Draco?" Hermione began,
"Granger- Hermione, we don't have time for greetings. I saw Weasley running across the grounds too," Draco said as he ducked and sent rocks towards the Death Eater. One of the bigger rocks hit him in the head and the Death Eater collapsed to the ground. "If Potter needs you, go! I'll cover this area."
"Thanks," Hermione said slowly,
"Yes, yes, we can go through this after the war. Now go!" Draco demanded as he sprinted off to fight a suddenly recovering Vincent Crabbe.
Immediately, Hermione began to run towards the base of the Astronomy tower and when she got there, Ron was helping Harry and Dumbledore fight off Voldemort. She was about to help when Voldemort sent a wave of magic toppling over Ron, Harry and Hermione. Dumbledore was easily able to keep balance, however, Voldemort sent the curse at Dumbledore who had been standing in front of the fallen trio to ensure their safety. To all of their horror, Dumbledore fell backwards onto the ground as lifeless as he was lively just moments ago. Suddenly, a possessed expression overcame Harry and he began an incantation he knew he'd have to perform in order to defeat Voldemort.
Point his wand at Voldemort, Harry said the incantation in a confident and clear voice. Voldemort tried to counter, shield himself, anything to stop Harry, however, he was frozen in place because of the first few words of the incantation Harry had already said. Harry felt his wand tremble as he felt the Phoenix tail within being drawn to its brother in Voldemort's wand. As he continued the spell, he saw Voldemort's powers and strength being drained and felt his own slowly leaving his body. Seeing that he was beginning to stumble, Ron and Hermione supported him. Suddenly, Voldemort screamed as a green light slashed its way through his body. His scream echoed as his limbs and torso fell to the ground in pieces and eventually disintegrate to dust-
---
"They do mention us, Harry," Hermione insisted, "So don't feel bad that the spotlight's on you. You were the only one able to defeat him after all."
"They don't have a right to write me in such a light that makes it seem like I was fearless, as if I fought courageously," Harry argued.
"You did fight courageously Harry, I'd probably be dying of anxiety if I had to do what you did- six times," Ron admitted,
"But that's the thing Ron," Harry began, "I was รข€“"
"Dying inside," Hermione and Ron finished in unison,
"Harry, we know," Hermione said,
"But they don't know that," Ron explained.
"Will they ever?" Harry questioned although all three knew the negative answer to that question.
---
-Harry felt his head spinning as the last few events of Voldemort's demise replayed in his head millions of times per second. He felt his knees cave and after falling an inch, Hermione and Ron pulled him up strongly. He leaned on their support for a few seconds before standing on his feet and crumbling once again.
"Harry, let us help you," Ron said as he hauled Harry to his feet, "You can't walk in your condition."
"I can walk fine Ron," Harry insisted stubbornly as he attempted walking, only to falter.
Hermione caught his arm quickly and struggled to pull him up straight, "Obviously you can't. So stop being stubborn and let us help you. You've let us helped you in the past, Harry."
"Yes, so don't deny us the chance to help you now," Ron added.
"You did it," Hermione offered a smile, "You were so brave."
"No, I was trembling the entire time," Harry argued, "I don't think you could tell, but inside- I was dying. When this war started four weeks ago, I was dying inside just knowing what I had to do in order to end this stupid war."
"Well mate, no matter what you were feeling, you did it." Ron also offered his infamous grin.
"Help me to Dumbledore," Harry said and without question, they slowly moved towards Dumbledore.
As they stopped before the late, great Headmaster, Harry let go of Hermione's arm and began to kneel down with the assistance of Ron. They stood on either side of him as they bowed their heads in respect. All was quiet around them until Ron and Hermione felt violent shaking between them. They both looked down and found it was Harry-
---
"You know, ever since I entered Hogwarts, all I ever heard was the Boy who lived' or the story of how Sirius supposedly betrayed my parents to Voldemort and Voldemort killing them. Everyone's always said their condolences about my parents, even now I get owls saying their condolences that my parents are dead and couldn't be here to witness it all," Harry paused and saw both his friends listening intently. He smiled inwardly knowing his friends would always understand. "None of them realize what it's like to grow up in that situation. Then it seems like all my life they've been preparing us for battle, me especially. Lupin, Moody, the Order- they were there to train us- me. They were molding me into a soldier for the light. A soldier against Voldemort."
"They were only helping you to help yourself in protection. They and everyone knew how Voldemort was after you and you fresh from the muggle world was simply vulnerable to Voldemort," Hermione explained.
"You don't get it," Harry sighed as he thought of a way to explain himself more clearly.
"He means that even though they were helping him in a physical sense, they weren't really doing anything for his emotional self," Ron said matter-of-factly.
Hermione nodded in understanding as Harry explained further, "Sure they pounded hexes, curses and jinxes into me until I excelled in Dark Arts. They prepared me for battle, but what they failed to do was prepare my mind for what was to come. They forgot to prepare me for death and killing and what effect it'd have on me. You both remember what happened-"
---
-Both Ron and Hermione knelt down beside Harry as he continued to shake violently as streams of tears poured from his eyes. Immediately, as if by instinct, Hermione pulled him to her and he laid his head in the nook of her neck. Ron put an arm around his shoulders as Harry allowed himself to cry so violently and so freely in years.
Tonks and Kingsley found them a few minutes later and suggested they go to their common room. When Harry began to shake his head negatively in an attempt to argue with the two Aurors, Tonks assured him that everything would be taken care of and he should go into the castle.
What he wasn't aware of was that Tonks and Kingsley empathized with Harry. They knew seeing Dumbledore's death was enough to thoroughly shake him, but with Voldemort's demise atop of that was too much. Both wouldn't dare even imagining Harry's reaction in seeing the bloodshed and dead bodies throughout Hogwarts and Hogsmeade as well, where the battles first began before reaching the castle grounds.
Too upset to argue further, Harry allowed Ron and Hermione to help him into the castle. Once in their common room, Harry collapsed onto the couch, still violently shaking with tears pouring from his eyes, but his sobs were silent now. Harry was only able to mutter another sentence before breaking down again.
"I-I murdered-"
---
Harry lowered his head into his hands as he felt familiar tears sting his eyes. Ron swung his arm across his shoulders,
"C'mon mate, I think it's time we bring you home." Ron suggested as he lifted Harry to his feet.
Harry merely nodded in silent agreement. They began to walk away from the castle before Harry stopped. He looked back at the castle and Ron and Hermione followed his gaze. There atop the turret of the western tower was a figure who's features were hidden with the moon at its back. But Harry knew who it was, they all did. Harry waved farewell and the figure nodded in acknowledgement. As they turned their backs and continued for the gates, they missed the small wave their previous teacher of Potions at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, Professor Severus Snape, sent their way.
***
Hermione closed the bedroom door behind them as they heard the soft snores coming from Harry's finally dormant body. After another hour of talking, he had finally fallen asleep. Together, she and Ron walked to Harry's flat's living room. Hermione walked over to the open window she had opened when she first arrived there hours ago, and closed it. She turned to face Ron who was already sitting on the couch. She walked over and sat beside him. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders as she clung to his side.
"Do you think we should go across the hall to our flat?" Hermione asked,
"I think it'd be best we stay here just in case," Ron answered.
"Harry's right about the soldier remark you know," Hermione said suddenly as she replayed their conversation in her mind,
"Do tell," Ron offered as he leaned his head against hers,
"Well, they equipped Harry with all the spells he could possibly need in duel against anyone, yet they forgot the fact that inside all of that armor of spells is still a child. He didn't deserve to have all of that pressure placed on him since his parents' death," Hermione explained quietly.
"I know. The media and paparazzi have no idea what Harry's been through," Ron sighed heavily, "and that's the problem. They send their condolences and thank-you wishes without truly knowing. They don't understand Harry the way we do. All the pain he's been through, all the stress and turmoil- it's all hidden-within ones heart."
End.
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